Germany - Day 76

This song has little to do with the actual post, but it sets the mood.

Press play and read.

What Germany taught me this week:

My favorite 6-year-old! He's cute AND British.

I had been in Germany for less than 3 hours when I found myself sitting at my boss' desk. I was tired from the long flight in, stressed about my makeup looking absolutely terrible and scared out of my wits about living in a strange country all by myself. It took every ounce of strength to hold back tears.

I sat there across the table from her. Staring at the black stained wood. Wondering why I had decided to do this.

"You're in Germany right now for a reason, Taylor. You're supposed to be here," she said. I smiled. I couldn't decide if I believed her or or not. "I know it, and I hope you know it, too."

I retained very little memory from that first day in Germany. I was so jetlagged and culture shocked to really grasp anything going on around me. But that moment lingers. And during my 76 days in Germany, I've tried to discover that reason why I'm supposed to be here.

I remember feeling multiple promptings to apply for this internship back in September. I ignored most of them, thinking I didn't have the money to live abroad for three months, nor the desire to leave my friends, an awesome job, my truck, a boy that I had a really, really big crush on, my country, a really great apartment, and everything I knew behind. But I caved. I couldn't escape the thought that I needed to give this thing a try. So off I went!

Application. Tense three-week waiting period. Acceptance. Super tense 4-month waiting period, full of uncertainty, excitement, doubt and anxiety. Arrival.

I couldn't help but think I had made the biggest mistake of my life when I first got here. Where had that hopeful, adventurous feeling of "Germany sounds like fun!!" gone? But now, 76 days later, I can't help but wonder why I ever doubted this place. Why I ever thought I couldn't do this. Why I was so scared of this experience. And, most of all, I've continually wondered about why I'm supposed to be here.

And I came to the conclusion that I'm supposed to be in Germany for people.

To meet people. To watch people. To learn from people. To get to know people. To see a very wide variety of people. To connect with people. To work with people. To watch people grow. To be a part of other people's lives. To let people in.

I'm here for people.

Today I said goodbye to one of my friends leaving on a mission in a few days. And it was really, really hard. Full disclosure: I cried. And I got to thinking about how in the world I managed to get so close to somebody in just two and a half months. How I could be so sad about leaving Germany in a few weeks because this place has become a part of me. How I managed to come to love a country that I still find really strange.

It's because of people.

When I first got to Germany, all I could see were the differences. In people, places, culture. Everything. I would sit across from people on trains and just think, "There is so much more than a language barrier that separates us." None of my friends know what a rodeo is. I tried explaining the American dream to somebody (a German) and they just laughed at me. I told people I drove a truck and they looked at me like I was some sort of mutant swamp creature. At the end of the day, I just felt really lonely and isolated.

Fast forward 76 days.

I was sitting on the train this morning and realized: we're all in this together. I looked at the young Turkish girl across the aisle from me, at the old lady a few seats away, at a businessman dressed to the T. And I realized that even though we have very little in common, we all want the same things out of life. More or less.

We all want to find happiness. We all need safety and security. We all long for love and acceptance. We all strive for success.

And even though our ways of going about these things are different, at the end of the day, we're all just trying to get through this crazy thing we call life. (Or "leben" in German!) None of us were given a road map to get through all the trials and struggles. All the ups and downs. All the pain and heartache. But we're all doing our best to get through it. And that's all that matters, right?

Once I started realizing this, things in Germany got ten times better. Happier. More fulfilling. And I'd be willing to bet the same would hold true anywhere in the world. So stop judging people. Stop dismissing people before you've learned anything about them. Take down those walls and let people in. Whether they be German, British, half Welsh, American, Chinese, or anything in between, people will amaze you. They will astonish you, they will uplift you and they will be there for you. But you'll never know that if you don't take a chance on people.

I took a chance on people and I'm a better, happier person because of it.

Try it sometime.

I took a chance on this kid and now I consider him one of my BEST friends! He's going to CRUSH IT in the Alpine German Speaking Mission!!

Friendsies :)

Germany — 2 down, 1 to go!

Ain't Germany pretty??

Former East/West German border. Semi-eerie.

 

Left: My personal tour guide :) Right: Semi-illegally pretending to be a preacher!

I was in the car a few days ago driving around with my friend Gwyn when I looked at the clock on the dashboard. 10:03 a.m.

10:03 a.m. "What the heck?" It hit me. Like a ton of bricks.

It was March 30th. At that exact moment at 10:03 a.m. on March 30th, I realized that I only had one month left in Germany. I realized that exactly a month from that moment, I would be sitting on a plane waiting to fly back to the States. The clock was literally ticking. Before I know it, it'll 3 weeks...Then 10 days...Then tomorrow. And then I'll be back in Provo.

And I started to think: Am I ready for that?

You know how it is when you're driving on the freeway or something and there's grass on the side of the road just whizzing past? You know it's grass, but all you can really see is a yellow-ish green line for miles and miles. And you try your little heart out to focus on a single patch of grass for a second. But it's just so hard. That grass is moving so fast. 

You finally focus your eyes on a patch of grass. But then, in a split second, that patch of grass is 200 feet behind you. And you're wondering why the heck you couldn't just look at that grass just a little bit longer.

(Or am I the only one that had that experience as a kid??)

I think my experience in Germany has been a lot like that grass. First February, then March, and now April.

When I first got here, all I could see was that seemingly endless line of grass for miles and miles ahead of me. And I couldn't really focus on anything but the sheer amount of metaphorical grass that didn't look like it was going to end any time soon.

I tried so hard to focus on the little things — to take things bit by bit and day by day. I focused in on February and March —doing my best at work, figuring out what foods were safe and what to avoid at the grocery store, trying my best not to get lost on the train ride home, attending FHE and institute even though everyone spoke German, trying to make friends. 

Doing my best to keep my head up. Focusing on being happy.

And like those patches of grass, two months of this experience have flown by. February is long gone and March is on its way out the door. And now, as I'm staring April in the face, I've started to think a lot about the difference between what I expected going into this experience and what's actually happened.

For example, I had every intention of traveling my butt off while I was here. Everything is so close in Europe! Paris, Vienna, Prague, London, Rome, Amsterdam, Zurich. I was going to visit them all. 

However, I've been here for two months and I haven't left the country. And at first I was a little disheartened by that. "What the heck am I doing here, for crying out loud?!" I thought to myself. But then I realized I've had the opportunity to see a lot of Germany! Frankfurt, Rothenburg ab der Tauber, Heidelberg, Aschaffenburg, Berlin, Potsdam, Leest, Dusseldorf and about a zillion little villages in between, along with museums, castles and so, so much history. 

Add that to the fact that I've been able to make several really great friends here, and I'm totally fine with not traveling every weekend. (And even though I haven't traveled every weekend, I have had something to do every weekend, whether it's work, tagging along with the senior missionaries on their adventures, or spending time with friends! There's never been a dull weekend!)

I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to the people I've been able to associate with here. Making friends was really hard at first – it's just not part of the German culture to be super open with new people. But with a little bit of luck, persistence and, of course, some "I'm a cute American" charm, I was able to wrangle in some pretty great amigos. They've introduced me to really great Italian restaurants. They've taken me to birthday parties and introduced me to their friends. They've seen me eat 8 donuts in one night and didn't call me fat (at least not to my face). They've hung out with me until 2 a.m., watching movies and talking about crazy things. They've sat with me and watched YouTube videos for hours on end. They've given me a giant bag of delicious British candy. They've waited for me at train stations to make sure I don't get lost. They've been my personal tour guides. They've been there for me. They've made this experience so much less frightening. 

And most of all, they've made this experience worth it. (You all know who you are!)

I could go on and on about the many, many things I expected to happen here in Germany (I expected it to be warm by mid-March. No dice. It' still in the 40s and it snowed today! All the walking/working out I do is negated by the massive amounts of chocolate I eat. Can you believe I expected to lose weight here? Europeans do not dress better than Americans. Except for men's formal wear: Yummy. I expected to like riding the train everyday. But three-hours of commuting everyday quickly wears on a person. I will never take my truck for granted again! ), but I'll spare all of you.

On my first blog post about Germany, I included some lyrics from George Straight's "Here for a Good Time." While they all still apply (I really ain't here for a long time...),  one line in particular stuck out at me this week:

"When I'm gone, put it in stone: he left nothing behind."

At 10:03 a.m. on March 30th, I couldn't help but think if my experience in Germany will somehow fall short of what it was supposed to be, or what it could have been. 

But, of course, George had the answer to that: "I ain't here for a long time, I'm here for a good time!"

I'm here to say that my time —albeit short — here in Germany has been filled with good things. Happy things. And I know I will always be able to look back on this experience with so many good memories and lessons learned. 

And for my last 29 days in Germany, I plan to squeeze every ounce of adventure, every ounce of fun and every ounce of happiness out of this place. Because I'm here for a good time! 

My advice to everyone reading this: Stop focusing on that huge, daunting task in front of you that seems so ominous and so endless. Stop staring at that long line of grass, wondering just how far it drags on. Start taking things bit by bit, day by day. Start focusing on those little patches of grass, remembering at every step of the way how beautiful each and every individual cluster is. And before you know it, that long line of grass will be a thing of the past.

Not only will that big task go by much more quickly, but you'll have so much more fun along the way. You'll be able to focus on the wonder and beauty in the little things — all the little things that make up this crazy, beautiful thing we call life. 

Trust me. 

Germany told me so.

Hessen Park with Gwyn! So. Much. Fun!

 

Left: Saalburg! Right: A really pretty church in Bad Hamburg.

My new boyfriend.

Germany — Day 46!

Press play. Read. Enjoy.

Saturday night sunset over Frankfurt!

Left: Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin, where the American sector used to come to an end... Right: German parliament building in Berlin!

I woke up on Saturday morning to a Google calendar reminder. "DAY 45!!!" I read. "YOU'RE HALFWAY DONE!"

I stared at the ceiling. "There is no way in heck this experience is halfway over," I thought as I fought with the pancake of a pillow my hotel gave me. (If you ever stay at a hotel in Germany, bring your own pillow!)

As I went throughout my day on Saturday (breakfast, filming the German newsroom videos in Dusseldorf, driving back to Frankfurt, movie night with Gwyn, Jake and Dylan, eating way too much junk food...), I got to thinking about my time in Germany.

I sometimes still feel like "the new girl" and like I'm still getting my feet underneath me. But when I really think about it, I've seen, learned and experienced so, so much during my first 46 days in Germany!

It doesn't seem real that from here on out, I will be on the downhill slide. In just 44 days, I'll be back at Frankfurt am Main International Airport, boarding a plane bound for Dallas. And it just doesn't seem real that it's that close.

Brad Paisley's "Southern Comfort Zone" has pretty much been my theme song during this experience. During my first month here, I probably listened to it at least thee times a day.

Today, one of the senior missionary couples I work with drove me home from church — the same ones that drove me home after my first day of work. The weather was almost identical today as it was that first day in Germany. And as we drove through the German countryside, I couldn't help but remember the way I felt that first day.

"When your wheelhouse is the land of cotton, the first time you leave it can be strange. It can be shocking..."

I remember looking at all the road signs that looked so different than what I was used to. I was disheartened looking at all the stores, billboards and signs with words I didn't know the meaning of. I stared in bewilderment at the cars that didn't resemble anything I knew.  I was terrified. I was confused. I was so full of doubt. All I really wanted was to get on a plane and go back home.

But today, driving down that exact same road, I didn't feel any of that.

"Not everybody drives a truck, not everybody drinks sweet tea. Not everybody owns a gun, wears a ball cap, boots and jeans. Not everybody goes to church, or watches every Nascar race. Not everybody knows the words to Ring of Fire or Amazing Grace."

Today, I realized how much I've grown during this experience. I realized I'm learning so much more than I ever could sitting in a classroom at BYU. I realized just how eye-opening this experience has been and how much I really needed it.

During my first 45 days in Germany, I....

• have not gotten lost! Not once!

• visited 8 German cities outside of Frankfurt (and there are plenty more to come!)

• spent an evening at the Frankfurt temple, and did all of the work in German!

• went on a date! With a German!

• rode a train almost every single day. Public transportation is my new best friend.

• went on a business trip to a big city all by myself. And survived!

• ate more chocolate than I probably have in the past year. (Germans sure know what they're doing when it comes to chocolate!)

• learned how to use Euros.

• made friends. I have friends from Germany, the UK, Spain, Peru, Hungary and a bunch of other places!

• tried wiener schnitzel!

• stayed up way too late (on more than one occasion) watching movies and talking with my cool British friends (sleep when you're dead!!)

• met a General Authority!!

• successfully made chocolate chip cookies!

• got WAY too little sleep.

• worked in a really cool job (I love the Church! I love public affairs!)

• had my articles published all over Europe in several different languages.

• wore a skirt/dress 6 out of 7 days of the week (I'm sometimes shocked at how professional and grown up I look!)

• did not have a free weekend. Ever. I've either been traveling, working or hanging out with friends around Frankfurt every weekend. 

• went running regularly (evening runs through the German countryside...Wow.)

• understood very little of what was going on around me.

• missed my friends and family.

• learned new things.

• overcame doubt.

• realized I'm stronger than I ever thought possible.

But most importantly, I learned how to get outside of my comfort zone.

"And I miss my WYOMING home, but I can see the ways that I've grown. And I can't see this world unless I go outside my southern comfort zone."

One of my high school history teachers told our class that life is about stretching yourself. It's about gradually getting outside of yourself and growing a little bit every single day. It's about looking back on your accomplishments and thinking, "Wow. I never thought I would be able to do that."

And I think that's just what I've been able to do in Germany. Whether it's grocery shopping, corresponding with people all over Europe, scripting and directing a video, attending church activities, using public transportation or making friends, I've had to learn to get outside of myself and really (really, really, really, REALLY) stretch my comfort zone. And I've been able to keep a smile on my face while I do it! Gone are the days when I was constantly fighting back tears.

But at the same time, I've also come to appreciate things back home. I would be lying if I said I didn't want the next 44 days to go quickly. I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited about that 11-hour flight back home. 

"I miss your biscuits and your gravy. Fireflies dancing in the night. You have fed me, you have saved me, Billy Graham and Martha White.

I have since become a gypsy and I just can't wait to pack, 'cause I know the route I leave on will always bring me back."

But I would also be lying if I said I wasn't extremely excited about what the next 44 days hold. I'm excited to travel some more (I have four trips planned!!). I'm excited to meet more people and grow closer to the people I've already met. I'm excited for my projects at work. 

But most importantly, I'm excited to continue to get outside of my comfort zone. My first 46 days in Germany have been such an adventure, and I have no doubt the next 44 will be any different.

Adventure is out there!

"I can't see this world unless I go outside my southern comfort zone."

Left: My mommy sent me a package full of goodies because she's awesome and she loves me. Right: Sister Brande and I in Aschaffenburg!

Germany - Have I REALLY been here for a month??

Let me first apologize for the length of this post. Lord knows I tend to get long-winded.

Read and enjoy. Love y'all!

 

Left: A remnant of the Berlin wall. So eerie. Right: My "I'm trying not to get lost in Berlin" face."

I survived a month (and FIVE DAYS!) in Germany. Say whaaaat? Have I really been here for a month? Have I really been able to survive a month in Germany without knowing the culture, language or a single soul?

Yes, yes I have.

But I decided today that I have been able to do oh so much more than just survive in Germany. I've been able to thrive in Germany. I've been able to get around Frankfurt (and not get lost! not once!), go grocery shopping, work in a really awesome job, use public transportation, go sightseeing and act like a tourist, attend church, try new things and make new friends in Germany.

Kudos to me!!

In celebration of my one-month mark, I took a trip to Berlin! It was a business trip, but it was a celebration nonetheless. After a four-hour train ride from Frankfurt to Berlin, I took one of those really cliche bus tours of the city. I saw so much and so little at the same time. Berlin has so many wonderful bits and pieces of history and yet, the things I saw only scratched the surface.

I was able to see Brandenburg Gate, the Parliament Building, the East Side Gallery (a portion of the Berlin Wall that is painted over and is one of the largest outdoor art exhibits in the world. So cool!), Checkpoint Charlie, the Jewish Memorial and another portion of the Berlin Wall. I also had some Dunkin Donuts. Can't forget about those!!

I stayed the night in Potsdam, which is a 20-minute train ride from Berlin. I was equipped with a Google map of how to get from the train station to my hotel.

"Head west on Friedrich-List Strasse/B1 toward B2. Continue to follow Friedrich-List-Strasse."

I stepped out into the chilly night air. Where the heck was west? I knew by looking at the map that I had to cross a river, but where the heck was the river?! I had a decision to make. Which way did I think was west? Should I walk to the left or to the right?

I chose to go right. I reassured myself as I walked past people who knew where they were going. "Right. Right is west. I think."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I walked about 200 meters up the road and saw my hotel - all 13 stories of it - standing in the distance. Across the river, as promised. Lucky guess.

"Score! Taylor: 1, Potsdam: 0," I chuckled as I skipped toward my hotel. Pretty sure the guy riding his bike past me thought I was a crazy person for my mini celebration, but whatever.

After triumphantly checking myself into the hotel, I decided to explore Potsdam. It's such a cool little city, so I couldn't not take a walk around. After walking for about an hour, I decided all of Potsdam's major landmarks were just too far away to try and find. In the dark. By myself. 

Instead, I stopped by the nearest grocery store and bought four Ritter Sport candy bars. I had only intended to buy one, but there were four kinds that were just SCREAMING my name. 

"These all look so stinking delicious," I thought, staring at the brightly colored packages in front of me. "The checkout lady will probably judge me if this is all I buy.....Whatever. You only live once!"

Can you say DIABETES?!

I spent the rest of my Saturday night wandering Potsdam while listening to country music and eating German chocolate. An experience I would highly recommend to anyone.

Sunday was the big day! The reason I was in Berlin and Potsdam to begin with!

I'll just cut straight to the chase and say: I GOT TO MEET ELDER JEFFREY R. HOLLAND! I got to greet him as he came into the chapel in Leest and I got to shake his hand!! I got to TALK TO HIM!! His wife gave me a hug and told me I had beautiful hair!!

In all the things I've experienced in my 21 years and 4 months of life, Sunday morning was probably the coolest experience I've ever had.

After meeting him, I followed him and his entourage (I feel like that's totally not the right word at all...) into the chapel. I couldn't help but cry a little. "Did I really just meet Elder Holland? Did I really just meet an apostle of the Lord? Let alone my favorite apostle?"

I've always connected with Elder Holland's messages during conference. I have read and re-read so many of his talks in my moments of need. I know people think he's super "intense," but I've always loved his talks. It was so amazing being in his presence on Sunday morning. That tiny chapel in Leest, Germany was so full of the Spirit and was overflowing with love. I wish I could take how I felt on Sunday morning and feel that way every single day. Life would be a breeze if I could!

After church, I had the opportunity to talk to and interview several church members for some projects I was working on for my internship. They were all so friendly, so welcoming, so kind.

As I sat on the train from Berlin to Frankfurt, I couldn't help but just sit there and think, "Did that really just happen? Did I really just have an epically awesome weekend topped off with an incredibly spiritual experience?" Several days later, I still find myself wondering, "Did that really just happen? Am I really in Germany? Doing really, really cool things? Is this really my real life?"

It only took me one month and five days to realize it (better late than never, right?), but this weekend made me realize how incredibly lucky and blessed I am to be having this experience. Sure, I miss my friends, my family, my truck, my cowboy boots, throwing hot dogs at people at 3 a.m. (that's for you, Chelsea!), American pizza and Duck Dynasty, but how many people get the chance to live in a foreign country, work in a really cool job and meet really cool people while they're at it?

I've come to love Germany. I love the half-timbered houses. I love the croissants. I love seeing guys wearing well-tailored suits (SO HOT!). I love the chocolate. I love my evening runs through the German countryside at sunset. I love Apfelschorle (totally addicted!). I love how straight forward German people are (it's entertaining). I love how everyone here wears scarves (so classy!). I love wearing skirts and dresses to work everyday (I feel like a real grownup!). I love the feelings of accomplishment, independence and self-worth I get when do things I never pictured myself doing.

Moral of the story: look for the good in the world around you. Goodness knows we all have so much to be grateful for.

I was talking to a taxi driver on Sunday and he told me that Germany is boring. I wanted to ask him if he was on crack, but instead replied: "But Germany is so cool! There are so many things to see in Germany!" He promptly responded: "You always think that where you're from is boring. The familiar is never good enough." I was somewhat astounded when he said that. I didn't know it was possible to have such an intellectually stimulating conversation with a taxi driver who only speaks "school English."

But his words struck me. He was right. I think we so often get bogged down in our day-to-day lives - school, work, drama - that we forget how awesome the world is. I think we sometimes forget that we are capable of feeling so, so good about ourselves, our situations and the world around us.

My first month (and five days!) in Germany has taught me to break out of the monotony. It would be so easy to just sit in my apartment, chat with friends on Facebook all night and nap on weekends while I'm here. But I've been choosing to go on adventures, take chances on people and lose a ton of sleep while I'm at it!

Try it sometime.

Throw caution to the wind! Take an evening stroll through town while listening to your favorite songs, and make sure you have a tasty candy bar (or four!) to top things off. Talk to and get to know people you wouldn't generally think of associating with. Explore the world around you - I guarantee there are wonderful things just outside your door. Spend time by yourself. Try new things. Take chances.

And above all else, let yourself enjoy life. Because you'd be stupid not to.

Left: Saturday sunset in Berlin! Right: The Brandenburg Gate!

  

Left: Potsdam by night! The view from my hotel! Right: Sunday morning walk by the river turned into a "take self portraits in this cool maze I found" session.

Sunday morning in Leest! Elder Holland is such an amazing man! 

Germany Week 3 - Adulthood at its Finest!

I didn't want to include a song/video this week, but this one really sets the mood. Press play and READ.

Listen to the whole song. It'll make you feel really good about yourself.

Saturday, February 23, 2013. 12:17 p.m. 

"Wait until 1," I thought. "Maybe it'll stop snowing by then. Wait until 1."

It was a long walk to the grocery store and it had been snowing all morning. All I wanted to do was stay in my pajamas and watch Seinfeld all day. But I needed to go to the grocery store. I was out of milk, bread, yogurt, fruit, peanut butter and was running low on cereal, bread and carrots. I couldn't NOT go to the store.

1:12 p.m. It did not stop snowing by 1. So, I (very reluctantly) left the warmth of my tiny basement apartment to go grocery shopping.

Walked two kilometers(ish) to the grocery store. "Do Germans not believe in salting their sidewalks on Saturdays or something?" I thought as I slipped and slid down the hills and streets to the store. My pants kept falling down. "Should have brought a belt to Germany after all."

1:37 p.m. Made it to the store. 11 containers of yogurt, two liters of milk, 6 apples, one loaf of bread, one box of cereal, one jar of peanut butter ("American. Yesssss."), one jar of blackberry jam and two bags of mini cookies later ("Wow, I got a lot for only 21 euro..."), I desperately hoped it had stopped snowing.

1:56 p.m. No dice. Still snowing.

2:07 p.m. I had to stop and rest about every 5 minutes. The strain of balancing my groceries, my umbrella and my iPod at the same time (whilst trying to keep my pants pulled up) and trudging my way through the snow was wearing on me. My feet hurt. I was wearing way too many layers.

2:11 p.m. "Remember yesterday when Stephan asked me what I liked about Frankfurt and I couldn't think of anything? It's because I. DON'T. LIKE. ANYTHING."

2:19 p.m. Drop grocery bags on the counter. Throw scarf, coat, keys and purse on floor. Sit down on the edge of the bathtub. Cry.

I've always felt strangely at home in grocery stores. I used to love going to the store with my parents when I was younger, and I worked at Albertson's for four summers and several Christmas breaks. So, the animosity I've felt toward grocery shopping here in Germany has been somewhat disconcerting to me. That mixed with the absolutely miserable experience I had walking home through the snow proved enough to snap my 19-day streak of NOT CRYING.

I had been doing so dang well.

2:26 p.m. Walk into the kitchen. Continue to cry. Stare at groceries on the counter. "They're not going to put themselves away, you know."

I began to neatly stack my yogurts in the fridge. "This is what it feels like to be an adult," I realized. "Being an adult means, sometimes, you have to drag your groceries uphill through the snow."

And then I realized something else. I could keep crying about having to carry my groceries through the snow, or I could get over it. It was up to me. I could act like a lost little girl and cry about all the things I dislike about Germany, or I could be an adult, shake it off and GET. OVER. IT.

So that's what I decided to do.

10:03 p.m. Board train in Bad Vilbel bound for home. Think about the great night of food, friends, games and laughter I just had. "Tonight was a good night."

10:32 p.m.Take the cute little jar containing exactly 117 gummy bears out of purse. Place on desk. "Tonight was a good night."

10:45 p.m. Log into Facebook. Chat with a friend from Germany. "Tonight was a good night."

11:07 p.m. Climb into bed. "Tonight was a good night."

11:14 p.m. "This is what it feels like to be an adult. Tonight was a good night."

As I laid there Saturday night, I realized that being an adult means that sometimes, you have to drag your groceries uphill through the snow. Sometimes your feet are blistered and sore, but you have no choice but to keep on walking. Sometimes you have to do your best to understand what's going on around you when nothing is in your native language. Sometimes you have to take public transportation everywhere you go and sometimes you have to sit by smelly old men on the train. Sometimes you feel lonely, sad, angry and inadequate. Sometimes you miss home.

BUT.

Sometimes you meet really cool German people who want to be your friend. Sometimes you make friends who pull you out of the way of speeding buses and who take time out of their day to make sure you get on the right train. Sometimes you take a step outside of your comfort zone and realize things aren't as bad as you think they are. Sometimes you eat eight donuts in one night and are perfectly okay with it. Sometimes you experience more hospitality, generosity and love than you could have ever imagined. Sometimes you play bocce ball with a British guy and kick everyone else's butts. Sometimes you try new things, new foods, new adventures and you realize that the world is full of amazingly wonderful things, places and people.

Sometimes you learn that being an adult is about striving to do your best and to be happy on a daily basis. Even when you feel like you just can't carry those groceries uphill through the snow any longer.

And that, my friends, is what being an adult is all about. Finding happiness in every day, every experience, every moment. It's about being grateful you can afford those groceries you're dragging through the snow. It's about being grateful your feet are so sore, because you have the opportunity to go, do and see so many things, people and places. It's about being grateful there are so many wonderful people who care about your well-being. It's about making new friends, seeing new places and trying new things. It's about getting over all the things that suck and learning to be happy.

That's what Germany taught me this week. To suck it up and put a smile on. 

Because no one is going to do it for me.

Schoneck is such a happy little place when it's NOT snowing!

 

Germany — Day 19

Press play and read.

Friday night at the Frankfurt temple! No place I'd rather be! :)

Left: Saturday morning at the Schloss castle in Aschaffenburg! Right: My FIRST wiener schnitzel in Rothenburg!

Today marks 19 DAYS that I've been in Germany! And I'm still alive. And what an accomplishment that is, indeed.

I'm beginning to settle into things here. I get up really early every morning, get to my trains, get to work, work all morning, have lunch with a lovely little group of people and discuss crazy things, work all afternoon, attend FHE or institute (depending on the night), sometimes go shopping at the Zeil, go home, go running around Schoneck, make some dinner, then go to bed. I know how to get to various places in Frankfurt. I know how to use Euros. I (kind of) know how to grocery shop in German. I even figured out how to do laundry.

But things are still hard. I get frustrated not being able to understand anything. I struggle with loneliness, coming home every night to a completely empty apartment. I feel like my mind and body are always so, so tired. Sometimes I think I'm not cut out to live completely by myself in a strange country.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane, just like a picture with a broken frame. Alone and helpless, like you've lost your fight.

But that's where Rascal Flatts comes in. This song came on when I was at a low point on Monday night and just wanted to go back to America.

Start holdin' on, keep holdin' on. 'Cause when push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of. You might bend 'til you break 'cause it's all you can take. On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough. You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off. Then you stand.

Germany has been showing me what I'm made of. I've been faced with challenges that absolutely terrified me, but I feel so dang good about myself when I overcome those challenges. I'm reminded on a daily basis that I'm capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to. I think that, deep down, we're all a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

So, as I've gone about my 19 days here in Germany, I've learned/noticed some things.

There are bazillions of bakeries, all with breads and pastries and cakes and yummy things that LOOK SO GOOD. But they generally look way better than they actually taste.

It seems like everyone here smokes. Old people, young people (REALLY young people), guys, girls. Everyone. It'll be strange going home and not constantly smelling cigarette smoke.

McDonald's is about 18964301421 more classy in Germany than it is in the United States. They take the whole "McCafe" business very seriously.

Pedestrians DO NOT have the right of way. I saw a girl get hit by a car the other day. Most traumatizing thing ever. (She was okay, by the way.)

German chocolate. Enough said.

Dogs can understand German. Or I guess any language, for that matter. I was on a run and heard a guy talking to his dog in German and I was like, "Wow. Dogs can understand German, too!" Strangest realization ever.

Streets are really narrow here and Germans drive really tiny cars. I realized the other day that most of them would never get to experience how romantic it is to cuddle in the bed of a pickup truck while stargazing or watching the sun go down. And I felt semi sad about that.

Fruits and veggies here are so much more fresh and delicious than they are back home.

Cobblestones are about 583201412 times harder on your feet than regular sidewalks. My feet pretty much hate me (and Germany) right now.

The toilets here have significantly less water than they do in the U.S. I had a half-hour long conversation with someone the other day about why Americans need so much water in their toilets, which I had never really thought about before...But why do we need so much water??

Water at restaurants is not free. So you might as well order a Coke.

Greek yogurt is big in the U.S., but I PROMISE you, the Swiss do it better. I've discovered some yogurt from Switzerland that is absolutely to die for. I already know I'm going to go through withdrawals without it when I go home.

I see new things everyday. I learn new things everyday. I am constantly exposed to the unfamiliar, and I am constantly adjusting to the things around me. And while I find all this learning and adjusting difficult, I know I'm growing so, so much everyday. I can feel myself becoming a better person because I'm experiencing Germany up close and personal!

Continue to wish me luck!

 

Left: View from the Princely Estates at the Schloss! Right: Rothenburg with the Cravens!

Every time you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.

Must remember...

Germany — Week 1!!

It is absolutely necessary that you listen to this video while you read. I PROMISE it will tie in later!

I have now been in Germany for 11 days!! Has it really been that long? Have I really been able to survive 11 days in a completely foreign country? How do I even begin to sum up the past 11 days??

Thursday, January 31

After getting about 4 hours of sleep, I got up early and readied myself to get to the airport. I didn't want to take two carry ons and when I realized I couldn't fit my wallet in my backpack and would HAVE to have two carry ons, I broke down. I couldn't do this.

I pulled myself together long enough to drive to the airport, check in, etc. Then my mom hugged me and again, I broke down. I really couldn't do this. I really didn't think I wanted to do this.

But the ticket was nonrefundable. So, I (somewhat reluctantly) climbed aboard a plane bound for Dallas, and then one bound for FRANKFURT.

Friday, February 1

Got off the plane around 8:15 a.m. I was excited. WAS I REALLY IN GERMANY? I was so pumped for all the things ahead of me!

I was told by the senior missionary couple that picked me up that Friday was "Keep Taylor Awake Day." And that's what they did. I went to the office, met everyone, saw a bit of Frankfurt, fought back tears the whole day, that type of thing.

They took me to my apartment in Schöneck Kilianstädten around 4 p.m., at which point I cried. And cried. And cried. I pulled myself together long enough to unpack, go to the store with my landlords' daughter, and see a bit of town. Then I cried again.

I couldn't do this. There was no way in heck I could live by myself for three months in Germany.

After about 34 hours of being awake, I finally hit the hay around 8:30 that night.

Saturday

Woke up around 10:30 (14 hours of sleep!) and got ready to have lunch with Ralf, my internship supervisor, and his family in Nidderau, the neighboring town.

Ralf and his daughter gave me a tour of the old part of the town, which was really nice. I didn't have my camera with me, so no pictures. But it's exactly how you would picture Europe! So quaint.

Lunch consisted of bratwurst, sauerkraut, and mashed potatoes. An authentic German meal! It was good. I was really thankful for Ralf and his family's hospitality.

After they dropped me off, I couldn't figure out how to unlock the door to my house. I twisted the key EVERY direction I could think of. I pushed. I pulled. Nothing. So, again, I cried. I couldn't do this. I couldn't even unlock a door, let alone live in Germany for three months!!

After Ralf and his wife came back and unlocked the door for me (shocking how easy it was for them) and I finished breaking down, I read. I didn't have internet, so that was really my only choice. I read The Great Gatsby. The whole thing.

Sunday

I went to church in a German ward in Hanau with my landlords. Didn't understand a thing anyone said. But you know what they about how you can feel the Spirit in any language? Well, that's definitely true.

After church, I read some more. The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Read it from cover to cover.

I managed not to cry at all on Sunday, which I was pretty darn happy about.

Monday

My first official day of work! My cute little landlord walked me to the train station (I surely would have gotten lost had I tried it on my own). Took the train from Schöneck to Frankfurt, and there began my journey toward semi-normality!

I had lots of orientation and training that day. I found out what projects I'll be working on over the next three months, and I'm super pumped! Public affairs work is definitely different than the journalism work I'm used to, but I know I'm going to enjoy my projects. It's so cool that I get to work for the Church for a bit and help further the gospel!

I got INTERNET on Monday evening. I swear, I could have died and gone to heaven at that point. I was SO HAPPY!

In my joy over my new internet connection, I figured out how to call a mobile phone from my Skype account. So I called my momma. Which was good, but also a bad idea. I talked to her and my dad for about half an hour, and I pretty much cried the whole time. 

Sometimes I feel so dang homesick. During my short time here, I've learned what it feels like to miss someone so much it hurts. It's not a feeling I like.

Tuesday

More orientation at work!

For lunch, I went with two of the senior missionary couples to an open air market in Frankfurt and we all got bratwurst for lunch! It was SO SO SO good. Wow. You haven't lived until you've tried an authentic German bratwurst.

Tuesday night marked the first night I could fall asleep prior to midnight. The first sign that I was getting over my jetlag!

Wednesday

More orientation! I never knew there would be SO MUCH to learn when I got here! I guess I shouldn't be surprised though...

After work, I went on my first run in Germany! It was quite nice running around my little village. There's so much to look at and take in! As I walk/run around this place, I can't help but think, "I live here. Do I really live here??"

Thursday

Last day of orientation!

A few of the people in the office and I took a long lunch and saw a bit of Frankfurt. The old town square, the Zeil (one of Europe's busiest shopping streets), and some churches. It was a really good time. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a dream, because I really can't believe that I live in this big, wonderful city!

Thursday night I went to YSA institute, which was nerve racking at first, but I'm glad I went. I had to leave early to catch a train, so I didn't get to mingle with people after it was over, but I'm really hoping I'll make some amigos from the YSA group!

Friday

My absolute favorite day in Germany so far! I went with two of the senior missionary couples for a "cultural day" to Heidelberg and Rothenburg. It was such a fun day! Castles, ancient city walls, quaint houses, cute little shops, forests, old churches, historic places, charming town squares...Everything. Germany is such a beautiful place. And there is such a rich history here. I want to take it all in!

I also had my first wiener schnitzel while we were in Rothenburg! It was really, really good! I have to admit, however, that the french fries that were served with the schnitzel far outdid the main dish. But, nonetheless, I can mark eating authentic wiener schnitzel off my list.

It snowed on and off all day Friday, and it was pretty chilly, but it was a really, really good day! I'm so glad I got invited to partake in "cultural day." Hopefully there are some more in the future! :)

By the time I got home, it was about 9:30, at which point I thought about going for a run, but my tired, blistered feet would have hated me. So I refrained and went to bed instead.

Saturday

Slept in until 9:45! Sleep is becoming my best friend here in Germany. I'm pretty much over my jetlag, but I always feel tired. Always.

I went into Frankfurt with my friend Amanda (she's American!) that afternoon, and we walked around the Zeil for a bit. That place is incredibly crowded. As we muscled our way through the hoards of people, I realized why I love Wyoming so much. No people.

I was on a mission to find myself a cute, semi-inexpensive purse. If you've ever been shopping in Europe, you know that finding ANYTHING that is "semi-inexpensive" is hard to do. Everything here is so pricey! After walking around for a bit, seeing the Fasching parade (it's karneval in Germany right now! So much fun), and having lunch at a really charming little place I can't remember the name of (I scarfed an entire pizza. Don't judge me.), we FINALLY found a cute purse. A nice little blue one at H&M for only 25 euro. At that point, we were both beat so we hightailed it home!

I went grocery shopping all by myself on Saturday night. Shopping in a foreign country. Always an adventure. I had to carry my 30 pounds of groceries about 2 kilometers (uphill) to my apartment, which was the most miserable 20 minutes of my life. Now I understand why Germans go to the grocery store almost daily.

After I recovered from my treacherous walk home, I ran. I love running here! It's so much more refreshing here than it is in Utah or Wyoming.

Sunday

I went to the international ward in Frankfurt, which is where I will be attending from now on. They speak English, which is refreshing. You know how sometimes you go to church and feel like you got nothing out of it? Today was NOT one of those days! Sacrament meeting was absolutely wonderful. Sunday school was magnificent. Relief Society was so uplifting. I don't think I've ever come away so nourished from church. I felt like each and every lesson was tailored specifically for my needs this week. It was incredible. I know the Lord is looking down on me.

After church, I had lunch with three of the senior missionary couples (I went to TOWN on those Hawaiian haystacks). They're all American. It's really nice being able to be around them on a daily basis. If it weren't for them, I would have fallen apart long ago.

So, now I'm here. 

Writing this blog post. This blog post that I feel like doesn't even scratch the surface of all the things I've experienced, all the things I've seen, all the things I've felt in my 11 days in Germany.

Things have been really hard here. I don't speak ANY German. I came here completely by myself — no other interns, no other BYU students. Just me. I came here not knowing a single soul. I live in a small village about 30 miles away from Frankfurt, where I know no one and am close to nothing. My landlords don't speak any English. There have been times that I wished I could just go home. There have been times that I wondered why the heck I thought coming to Germany was a good idea. There have been times I felt like the world was caving in around me.

The other day, one of my coworkers looked at me and said, "You know, you've got a lot of grit for coming out here all by yourself."

And it was at that moment that I realized I'm going to be okay. While there have certainly been struggles (and there are certainly more to come), there have been so many good times! 

I have met incredible people who are looking out for me and care about my well-being. I have seen beautiful scenery, beautiful architecture, beautiful people, beautiful things. I get on and off trains everyday that take me all over Frankfurt, and I do it without knowing any German. I get to take part in an incredible work — the Lord's work. I've never felt closer to God than I do now. I know that with Him, I can do anything.

Like George Strait said, "I ain't here for a long time. I'm here for a good time. So bring on the sunshine!"

I have 79 days left here in Germany. And I'm going to make the most of them. I know I have hard times ahead of me, but I know there are also some pretty awesome things ahead of me, too.

"Life's too short to waste it, I say bring on anything!"

Wish me luck!!