The Sound of a New Start

Take a listen while you read!

2012

I wasn't really ready for 2012 to end. 2013 kind of snuck up on me. I woke up and BAM. It was a new year! I looked back on the last year and all the things that happened, all the memories I made, and I realized how great 2012 was. 2012 turned out to be a roller coaster full of surprises.

Kiss with a mouth of shooting stars, all the lost and the broken parts, unafraid, you will name your scars with the touch of a new heart.

I learned something in 2012.

I learned to be happy.

Amidst heartbreak, adversity, drama, stress, uncertainty, anger and sadness.

It's the sound of a new start.

I met a guy that I really, really, really liked. I was stunned by how well we hit it off and how quickly things moved. "So this is what that feels like," I thought. And then, before I knew it, things fell apart. It was slow, it was agonizing, and I tried so, so hard to change things. But still, things fell apart.

And yet, I was happy. 

For my final news writing project, I interviewed three student-athlete couples at BYU. It was a pain in the butt arranging interviews with all of them, since many of them were in-season and busy with school and sports. I accidentally deleted one of the interviews. It was close to 30 minutes long and full of quotes and information. I was embarrassed, frustrated and a bit panicked.

And yet, I was happy.

Three of my very best friends got married this year. It was so great seeing them find "the one" and open a new chapter of their lives. And yet, I was a bit jealous. While all of their weddings were joyous occasions, it was hard knowing that our friendships would never be quite the same. It was hard seeing them move on and I was still just single ol' me.

And yet, I was happy.

During my internship this summer, my sports editor went on vacation. He left a list of events I needed to cover that weekend: baseball games, polo matches, a strong-man competition. Results, articles and pictures were needed for each. I knew little about baseball, and next to nothing about polo and strong-man. It was a long, busy, stressful weekend.

And yet, I was happy.

One of my closest friends stopped talking to me. I called, I texted, I left voicemail after voicemail. And there was never any response. After two and a half years of being friends, he just ignored me. The frustration wore on me. I couldn't understand how someone could just throw away a friendship for no reason. 

And yet, I was happy.

New start, in the air there is a new heart. Under there, beneath these new arms, everywhere it is a new, new, new, new start.

Things went wrong in 2012. My heart was broken in 2012. I had hard times in 2012. And yet, I was happy.

I went to Yellowstone, Mount Rushmore and Devil's Tower for the first time. I wrote hundreds of articles. I got straight A's. I met incredible people. I got a precious new nephew. I developed a closer relationship with my little sister. I was named an All-American men's volleyball reporter. I played Nerf wars with my friends. I bought way too many pairs of cowboy boots. I completed my first internship. I made my third stained glass window. I threw some really awesome parties. I bought a Christmas tree for $13. I ran over 100 miles. 

I tried new things. I threw caution to the wind. I worked my butt off. I stayed up way too late.

I learned to be happy.

And if you haven't done it yet, take 2013 to learn to be happy. Use 2013 to realize how many beautiful, wonderful things surround you. Times will be hard, things will get tough and people will disappoint you. But you will also laugh until your stomach hurts. You will fall in love with new songs, movies and books. You will learn new things. And above all, you will be happy. Because you should be. Because you deserve to be. 

Now is the start.

See you in 2014?

 

Week 2 - The YOU Challenge: 2 Songs!

Here goes. Week 2 of the Ten Week YOU Challenge.

Up this week is 2 SONGS! Believe it or not, I gave a lot of thought to this post. Which two songs would I share with the world? And why? I'm a firm believer that music can say all the things we don't know how to say ourselves. What did I want the two songs I chose to say about me?

Well, here goes.

Tattoos On This Town by Jason Aldean

I fell in love with this song the moment I heard it. I grew up in small towns in New Mexico, Arizona and Wyoming. Any small town kid knows that if you want to pass the time, you have to invent a lot of things to do. Sliding down the drain on trash can lids and stop signs. Piling five people on one bike (it really happened!). Hide and go seek in the mesquite. Shooting snakes and squirrels with BB guns. Playing cops and robbers and running all over town. Building the best blanket forts in the back of a pickup and watching a drive-in movie. Summer romances. Walking around Wal-Mart because there was nothing better to do. Watching fireworks and stargazing from the hood of a truck.

"We let the world know we were here with everything we did."

I might not have had the luxury of shopping malls, beaches, nice restaurants or fancy theaters around the corner, but I did have the luxury of great friends and the world at our feet. I guess that's why I love this song so much. It brings back so many good memories and sometimes, just for a moment, I wish I could go back to being a kid. When the world was only as big as that little town and you couldn't go any farther than that dirt road would take you.

"It sure left its mark on us, we sure left our mark on it... Laid a lot of memories down, and we'll always be hangin 'round, like tattoos on this town."

However stupid or trivial our choice of activity was, we had fun. We weren't just passing the time, we were living. Living life to the fullest. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys

Ok so, it's a bit different than the first one. This song is one of my "power songs" on Nike+. Whenever I hear it, I feel that much more motivated to run harder, run faster and to get stronger.

More importantly, though, I love this song because it's a reminder of where I want to be. I've grown up knowing I wanted to live in New York. I never really knew why, I just knew I wanted to walk those streets, be inspired by those lights. Nowadays, my dream is to take the New York journalism scene by storm.

"One hand in the air for the big city. Street lights, big dreams, all lookin' pretty."

I've had a lot of people tell me I can't cut it in New York. I'm "too small town." And I quote: "Taylor, you can't drive that truck in New York City." How about, "They ain't got no cowboys in the Big Apple." Or maybe, "Everyone wants to go to New York. What makes you different?"

I've heard it all. I'm not saying I want to spend the rest of my life in New York, because I don't. (It's true, I couldn't drive my truck down those narrow streets!) I just want to know that I can get there. That I can make it. That I can cut it. That I have what it takes. That I'm enough.

"Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothin' you can't do. Now you're in New York, these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you."

So there you have it. I like to think of the two songs as representations of where I come from and hopefully where I'm going. I like to think that the places I knew as a kid have made me into the person I am today: adventurous, strong, innovative and incredibly ambitious. :)

Tune in next week for.... 3 FILMS!

Do you?

The 10 Day YOU Challenge.

If there is one thing I know, it's that I am TERRIBLE at blogging. I usually go for three or four months without posting. I've always meant to get in to posting once a week, but fail miserably every time I try.

THIS time, however, will be different! I saw this on my friend Jamie's blog and I thought, "Hey, I can do that!" Soooo here we go. The Ten Day YOU Challenge. We'll make it a ten WEEK challenge. Be here. Every Sunday. :)

The Ten Day Week YOU Challenge

Week 1: 1 Picture

Week 2: 2 Songs

Week 3: 3 Films

Week 4: 4 Books

Week 5: 5 Foods

Week 6: 6 Places

Week 7: 7 Wants

Week 8: 8 Fears

Week 9: 9 Loves

Week 10: 10 Secrets

Hopefully this will help keep be accountable and hopefully it will help you all learn something you didn't know about me. Because, let's face it, I'm pretty legit. ;)

Week 1: 1 Picture

This is me. I love laughing. I love having fun. I love being young. I love doing ridiculously stupid things that result in pictures like these.

I'm a dreamer, believer, optimist, lover of life.

Check back next week! :)

How Tupac saved my life.

^^^Take a listen while you read.

I was 18 when I was struck with this crazy realization. No matter how hard things get, no matter how sad we get, no matter what life throws at us, life goes on. Seriously. Life goes on.

I had just suffered my first real heartbreak and I remember lying in bed at night crying and crying. It was the first time I discovered intense emotional pain can also cause intense physical pain, the first time I literally cried myself to sleep, the first time I found myself wishing I was someone else.

And that's how I've felt lately.

I was so excited to get back to Provo after a very, very long summer. But now that I'm here, I feel lost. Confused. Like I got off the bus at the wrong stop and am struggling to figure out how to get to the right place.

Sappy details aside, I've been completely miserable. Like, depressing country music playing 24/7 kind of miserable. But, in my opinion, I've been doing a pretty good job of concealing it. Which, as many of us know, tends to make you even more miserable.

Then, I started sorting through the folder "useless junk" on my laptop and came upon this gem:

Oh, Tupac. Not generally one I look to for inspiration, but hey, he has a good point.

It was at that moment I paused my depressing country music playlist and put on my "wanna feel like a bada**?" playlist. Which included "The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes.

"Everytime you fall it's only making your chin strong."

It was a moment of clarity. I think it was one of God's tender mercies. It's like he was saying, "You're better and stronger than this. Pull your head out of your butt."

"Give me scars, give me pain. And they'll say to me, say to me, say to me, 'There goes the fighter.'"

I've always known life isn't always going to be roses and butterflies. But in that moment, I realized there sure as hell won't be any roses and butterflies at all if I'm constantly focused on all the thorns and poisonous caterpillars.

"'Til the referee rings the bell, 'til both your eyes start to swell, 'til the crowd goes home, what we gon' do y'all?

Give 'em hell."

And I think that's all there is to it. Fighting. Happiness doesn't come easily. Happiness isn't a given. Happiness is a choice you make ahead of time. The time to put your fightin' pants on is when things are the darkest, the scariest, the most miserable.

Because it's in that moment that you find out who you really are: a butterfly or a caterpillar.

Timing is Everything.

Take a listen while you read.

(Isn't Garrett Hedlund just soooo adorable?!)

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, ad a time of peace.

-Ecclasiastes 3: 1-8

Time.

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Why do things happen when they do? Why not a month sooner? Why then? Why now?

There are things I would have given anything to hear two years ago. But now, two years later, hearing those words...It's wrong. It doesn't work. The time is gone.

You can call it fate, or destiny. Sometimes it really seems like it's a mystery.

The past two years of my life - graduation, college, dating - seem to be a blur of missteps, bad timing and an incredible amount of frustration. I often find myself wondering, 'what if I had met him a month earlier?' 'what if I had stayed that summer?' 'what if I had actually waited after I finished that test?'

And honestly, I'm sick of the 'what ifs.' I'm sick of wishing. I'm sick of wondering. I'm sick of dwelling.

People think you're lucky, but you know it's grace.

Then it occurred to me that I was being selfish. Timing isn't all about me. Timing is about those around me - my friends, my family, people I hardly even know. Just because I feel like the time is right for something doesn't mean everyone else does. I guess I've always known in the back of my mind, but these days it's become more and more apparent that I'm not on my time. I'm on God's, who knows a heck of a lot more than I do.

I'll probably never know why there have been so many missed opportunities in my life, but I do know that when things do come together, it will be extraordinary. Because God knows what He's doing.

Why settle for good when you can have great?

So, if there's anyone else out there like me, wishing things could have happened differently, stop wishing. Stop dwelling. Stop wondering. Our time is coming. And when it does, we'll be glad we missed the bus three years ago. We'll be glad the timing all those times was off. Because life will be better, much better, than any of us could have ever dreamed.

And for now, let us live life to the fullest. Believe. Obey. Endure.
Remember, your best days are always ahead of you.

Six.

Six.

People who have scoffed at my goals and dreams.

Six.

People who don't believe I can do it.

Six.

People who told me, 'that's nice, but so does everyone else.'

Six.

People who laughed and said 'good luck.'

Six.

People who have lost faith in their dreams and think I will, too.

Six.

People and counting.

Six.

People I refuse to listen to.

You see, I've grown up in small towns. Dover. Silver City. Morenci. Deming. Globe-Miami. Sheridan.

We've moved from town to town and if there's one thing they've all had in common, it's dead ends. Dead end jobs. Dead end people. Dead end lives. Don't get me wrong, I love small towns. And I respect the people who are content with their lives. But I've always longed for so, so much more.
I'm a small town girl with big city dreams.

Ever since I was little I've wanted to live in the city. New York City. Not Los Angeles. Not Dallas. Not Chicago. Not Atlanta. Not Philadelphia. New York City. And I believe with all my heart that someday I'm going to get there.

The older I've gotten, the more people have asked me what I wanted to do with my life. These days, it's learnin' about cool things, writing about those cool things, and telling the public about those cool things. And what a better place to do those things, to be a journalist, than New York? Lately I've been telling people A) I want to be a journalist, B) I want to write about sports and C) I want to live in New York. And the majority of people I interact with say, 'you go girl!'

But then there were those six. Those six people bothered me. This blog post is for those six people.

I don't know that I'm ever going to make it to New York. I don't know that I'm ever going to make it to the big time. What I do know is I'll be damned if I don't try my hardest to get there. I'll be damned if I let that snide comment, "Well, yeah, but everybody wants to go to New York" get me down. I'll be damned if I don't work my butt off doing everything I can to make my dreams come true.

And you, if you've been affected by one of those six people, always remember that you have the world at your feet and the power to make your biggest dreams come true at your fingertips.

See you at the top, y'all.

Believe That Dreams Come True Everyday. Because They Do.

I had an amazing experience yesterday.

My sports editor asked me if I wanted to cover this week of spring football for the Daily Universe. Being a huge football fan/Cougar fan/really hot, muscular guy fan, I gladly obliged. While getting to attend practice and observe is pretty awesome, something even sweeter took place.

After practice ends, coaches and players come off the field for interviews. Naturally, everybody rushes Bronco Mendenhall for his thoughts on that day's practice, and the same goes for QB Riley Nelson. As I muscled my way into the huddle of reporters, cameras, bright lights and recorders, I looked around. I was surrounded by a group of middle-aged men who have probably been covering sports for years.

And there I was, a 20-year-old girl with a sparkly pink recorder, right in the thick of things with the pros.

It was at that moment that I realized how lucky I am. Not because I get front row seats at every men's volleyball game. Not because I get to meet nationally recognized coaches and players. Not because I've had four front-page articles in my two short months as a college reporter. No, I'm lucky because I'm in the midst of achieving my goals and dreams on a daily basis. I'm not just reading textbooks and taking tests over my career of choice. I'm living it. How many college students gets to say that? How many people period get to say that?

When I take a step back and look at my life, I realize that, yeah, there are a lot of things I'm not particular happy about. And, yeah, I wish some things were different. But my goodness, I am so blessed and so lucky. I refuse to think that just because there are things I wish were different that I can't be truly happy.

Instead, I choose to walk with my head in the clouds and my feet planted firmly on the ground. I choose to look forward to all that life has in store for me. I choose to believe in the beauty, the reality, of my biggest dreams. Because it's when we stop believing that the magic in our lives ceases to exist. So if you've stopped believing, do me a favor: START.

By far my favorite part of the entire One Tree Hill series. Makes me cry every time I watch it. Totally fitting for this post. :)

Believe that dreams come true everyday. Because they do.

Trust me, I know.